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Why is the Rum (Red Bull) Gone?

Submitted by on April 9 – 2013One Comment

As we creep closer and closer to final exams, most Fordham Law students are preparing to spend the late hours of the night in the library. One provision no try-hard law student can do without during exam period is a massive stash of unhealthy caffeinated beverages. Probably one of the most popular of these pick-me-ups among law students is Red Bull. Personally, I am addicted. In fact, I am drinking a “Sugar free” Red Bull as I write this article. I’m accustomed to its bittersweet taste and it gives me the boost I need to finish that last casebook reading or draft the end of a ridiculously long and meandering contract. Conveniently, Fordham Law supported my habit by making both Regular and Sugar Free Red Bull easily assessable in the cafeteria vending machines, 24/7, and they even take credit cards. But then, the Red Bull mysteriously disappeared.

You can imagine my horror, when, on a day like any other day, I discovered the disappearance. It was a Friday and I had stayed up late the night before watching House of Cards on Netflix. I needed a fix to get me through the day. On the shelf where the Red Bull should be were large cans of NOS and Full Throttle, staring me in the face. “Gross,” I thought to myself, turning away in disgust.

As weeks went on, I kept returning to the vending machines. But it was just wishful thinking; there was always just NOS and Full Throttle, and I’d rather pass out in the middle of class than resort to THAT. “Why would someone do something like this?” I would say as I unhappily resorted to coffee.

Annette Callazo-Comito, Fordham Lincoln Center Director of Catering, said that the Red Bull disappeared because our current campus beverage contract is with Coca-Cola. “Coca-Cola recently began stocking our vending machines with exclusively Coca-Cola products,” Callazo-Comito stated, “and Red Bull is not a Coca Cola product.” However, Brian Poteat, Fordham Lincoln Center General Manager of Hospitality Services, explained that “there will be a major change in vending [at Lincoln Center] this coming July.” Mr. Poteat could not be reached for further comment. Could this change mean Red Bull will be available at Fordham Law once again? Only time will tell.

“In the meantime, some die-hard Red Bull fans are resorting to drastic measures. After Red Bull disappeared in February, a Red Bull black market immediately popped up at the law school, and no, I am not kidding.

“I started going to Alan’s each morning to stock up on Red Bulls and store them…I sell them to my friends (or “clients”), at no profit, because they are desperate, and I understand their need,” said a source involved with the Red Bull trade who wishes to remain anonymous, “My clients feel the same way about the Red Bull crisis as I do: without Red Bull, we are experiencing severe fatigue, difficulty completing assignments, and general grumpiness. The situation is dire; Fordham has clipped our wings, and we are suffering.”

Though I can get my Red Bull fix by purchasing from this underground market, the supply is unpredictable. I also can’t use a credit card. But until the day comes when Red Bull once again graces our presence in the Fordham Law vending machines, I’ll do what I have to do to get by. I’ll be counting the days.

–Andrew Ringwood, Opinion Columnist

One Comment »

  • Martin Neimoller says:

    First they came for the Red Bull,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t an energy drink.

    Then they came for the French Roast,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a coffee.

    Then they came for the Coke,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a soft drink.

    Then they came for me,
    and there was no caffeine left for me to zzzzzzzzzzzzz

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